Syntax and Semantics (humorous)

Semantics pushed herself out of her recliner, after a lazy morning reading through her favorite novel, ‘Montague and his Discontents’. Her muscles felt stiff, and she felt the need for a brisk walk outside. There were little drops still hitting the window panes, but it was bound to clear up soon. So she jumped up and grabbed the leash.

“Come on boy! We are going to the park!”

Little Syntax was overjoyed, and his tail started wagging like a little motorboat, showing his joy. 

“Woof, woof! I love the park! I need a walk. Let’s go!”

Semantics slipped the leash over little Syntax’s head, and scratched him behind the ears. She put on her rubber boots, and they stumbled out the door to meet the day. In one pocket of her windbreaker, she had tucked a little bag of treats for Syntax, and in the other pocket she had a plastic bag to pick up his doo-doo.

Semantics and her little dog loved to take long walks together, over in Interface Park. The sprawling green hills, and dense forests, made for hours of adventure and physical activity in the great outdoors. Running through the park, little Syntax always managed to find something interesting to show Semantics.

When they got to the park, Semantics took the leash off little Syntax’s head, and gave him free reign over the park. 

“Don’t go to far! I don’t want to have to run around looking for you. Just stay in sight, OK?”

“Woof, I love the park. Don’t worry, you’ll see me here, just running around.”

Little Syntax bolted off as quick as he could, barking at squirrels and sniffing around for other dogs. Off in the ravine, near the creek, there was something old and tangled. It was long, like a and tangled up, like an old piece of driftwood with deep and irregular crevices. It was hard to make sense of it. Immediately attracted, little Syntax felt the desire to explore it further and make sense of it, perhaps even tear it apart. 

So he approached and bit it with its teeth, trying to drag it free from its crevice. After several minutes of biting, and shaking his head, and dragging, the long old thing came loose, and little Syntax started barking with joy. He had a great project, understanding anaphora. He was going to spend the morning on it. 

Just then, Semantics came down the bank of the creek.

“What have you got there? That looks like anaphora. Have you bought me anaphora? You are such a good boy, such a very good boy. Yes, you are.” 

She reached down to scratch his head, but little Syntax was not quite ready to relinquish anaphora. It looked interesting. There were lots of little problems he could chew on. It had an engrossing texture, somehow hard to make sense of. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

Semantics persisted. “Here you go. Here is a treat for you! Let me take that off of your hands. We will put it the car, and I will work on it later. Nothing that a few lambda’s can’t smooth out. We can sell it next Saturday at the market. Lots of semanticists are interested in anaphora these days. You know that!” 

Little Syntax did not really want to give anaphora over to Semantics, but the treat did look good. A mouth-watering crunch beef treat. He loved crunchy beef treats more than anything else! Besides, if Semantics was happy, he was happy too. So he released the grip his teeth had on it, and nudged it over to Semantics with his paw. Was anaphora really a good topic for a dog anyway?

Little Syntax gobbled down his treat, and ran off into the park again, in search of new treasures. Semantics hauled her find over to her BMW, and threw it in the back. Pondering the interesting twists in the tangled object, she reckoned that she would get at least two or three papers from it.

After locking her car, she started walking around the park looking for Syntax again. The rain had stopped, and the clouds had cleared. It was getting hot. They should go back home and have lunch. She went to the creek, but he was not there, she went to the top of the hill to scope out the park, but he was not there. Then all the sudden, she saw him in a thicket of bushes, digging and growling. 

“Whacha got there old boy!” 

“Woof! I found it. Its mine. Its mine. I want this one.”

“Let’s take a look. Wow, the passive! You found the passive! Good boy! You are such a good boy!”

But Syntax did not wag his tail. He was preoccupied with the passive. It felt perfect for him. He could sit down and chew on this for hours, plucking it apart. It had a complex and satisifying shape. What a great project!

Semantics reach down to take the passive from Syntax. She put her hands around it and tugged. But Syntax growled and clenched his teeth even tighter. He lowered himself to his paws and steadied his body, ready for a struggle. They pulled back and forth on it like that for a few minutes, Syntax growing, and Semantics wondering what had gotten into her dog. What did he think? Was he just going to sit in the park and chew on the passive all day? Ridiculous.

Semantics got out the bag of treats again. She said: “Here’s a treat for you, Syntax. Just let go, and you can eat these treats.” But it was not enough. Syntax was determined to have the passive. And so the struggle continued. At times it seemed like they were playing a game, tugging back and forth. But at times, it seemed more serious.

Finally, Semantics said, “OK, if you really want it, its yours. But I am going home for lunch. I’ll meet you there.” She was clearly not happy. The passive would have been the perfect project for her. It would not even take that many lambdas, just a few, and it would be perfect for the market. 

As she started walking off, Syntax had second thoughts. Lunch did after all sound pretty good just then, and he was feeling tired from all the exploration that morning. So he gave up the passive, and fell in trotting behind Semantics. Semantics saw him running up behind her, and said “That’s a good boy.” And she rubbed the side of his neck.

“Tell you what! We’ll go back next week, and get the passive. I will give you some of it, and you can keep it at home to chew on. How about that? We can both work on it. It will be our joint project.”

Syntax wagged his tail, happy that they both were happy. They trudged off to the car, Syntax and Semantics, and drove home for lunch.